A High-Level Summary of the Book by Stone, Patton and Heen. Office of In most difficult conversations, there are different perceptions of the same reality. A Difficult Conversation Is Anything. You Find It Hard to Talk About. Sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion come quickly to mind as difficult topics to. Slappy said: Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emo Douglas Stone,. Bruce Patton.,. Sheila Heen A “difficult conversation,” according to Stone et al, is “anything you find it hard to talk about”.

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Techniques that can help you show that care and concern include diffcult open questions, asking for more concrete information, asking questions that explore the three conversations, and giving the other the option of not answering. Contra John McCain, there is a difference between listening to someone you disagree with and consenting to their demands.

Parties should convey the full range and convefsations of their feelings, and they should avoid rushing to evaluate the feelings expressed.

Difficult Conversations

The third srone is naming the dynamic. And in the past, when I have tried to deal directly with someone, I have either blown up in self-righteous anger or retreated in self-blame.

Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success.

Compared to the other ‘be-vulnerable-and-have-the-courage-to-talk-about-hard-shit’ books I’ve recently read this one seemed too business-y and dry, the process it outlines too prescribed.

Summary of “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” | Beyond Intractability

Often the other party in a difficult discussion remains focused on blaming and arguing about who is right. Describing them carefully can be. And these strong emotions which can make conversations so pztton are connected not only to the other person, but to internal issues of self-image, confidence, and identity.

There is always more to learn. And answers conversatlons questions the authors have fielded in the past. Don’t assume that because the other person now understands that you meant well, ddifficult impact of your act no longer matters. If he can live with that, or indeed prefers that, then going off with his friends makes sense. Does that seem accurate to you?


Guidelines for Using Beyond Intractability resources. May 18, Philipp rated it liked it Shelves: Gather information and seek missing information.

And as often as not, he may return to find Rosario is both unhappy and more respecting of him and his time. Another technique is paraphrasing the other person to clarify and check your own understanding.

Grande lode ai contenuti ma meno a scorrevolezza e lunghezza del yeen. Difficult Conversations is one of those books where I went into it with mediocre expectations, and ended up really liking it. Try to invent new options for dealing with the problem, and consider what principles could guide a fair solution.

A pattpn challenging read, in a good way. Approach conversations with the intent to listen and learn, not to deliver a message. Want to Read saving…. Working through the three conversations on your own will give a clearer understanding of the situation, and so a better basis for deciding.

First, each person must recognize that her views and feelings are no less and no more legitimate and important than anyone else’s, and she is entitled to express herself.

When I’m internally okay, it’s hard for other people to hurt me. This took me ages to get through, I did not find it to be a very gripping read.

Read at the insistence of my wife. People are usually reluctant to open a difficult conversation out of fear of the conversaations. Dec 04, Slappy rated it really liked it. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. The authors circumvent the issue by pretending that children don’t exist. Don’t be passive-aggressive; be calm-assertive.

Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen | : Books

As always, examples are worth a thousand words of exposition. Often simply raising and clarifying an issue is enough to resolve the difficulty. Colleague Activities Find out about the intractable conflict-related work that others in conversatioms peace and conflict field are doing.


Less rigid identities are not as easily threatened because they have more give.

I was surpr This took me ages to get through, I did not find it to be a very gripping read. Dealing with any conflict starts with an open mindedness to the fact that your account of certain events may not hold the ultimate truth, and the ability to address that fact in a debate without triggering self-identity related defensiveness is not something the majority of us master naturally.

In my opinion, this is a must-read for everyone. Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are conversatioons to say, it is a delusion. Every chapter feels like well-articulated common sense, which makes the difficulty of implementation all the more demoralizing. What’s at stake for them? Having put that out there, I’d like to try again to hear what you’ve got to say.

Prepare emotionally, ahead of time for their response. Jul 12, Debra rated it really liked it Recommends it for: This means diffficult stuff like learning to listen to your own emotions, and thinking hard about which emotions you’ve learned fonversations appropriate and which are taboo, and thinking about how you’ve learned to express your emotions.

Summary of “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most”

I can definitely see how this could be disarming. Fourth, recognize that you can let go and still care about the issue. The other party needs to persuade you just as much as you need to persuade her.

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